


the step I never take

by tinydandelion



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Jeon Wonwoo-centric, M/M, Pining, Pining!Wonwoo, This is my first time, im so excited, please be kind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25214095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinydandelion/pseuds/tinydandelion
Summary: Wonwoo falls in love with a boy who holds the universe in his eyes. It costs him many restless nights to realize how close they could be. Some of those nights include the boy dating his own brother.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	the step I never take

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in English for this fandom and the first time after years since I wrote a story in English at all. Kind comments would be really appreciated so I can improve :) 
> 
> (I am desperately in love with wonhui)  
> (looking forward to the end of this drought)  
> (please please please wonhui, rise)

Wonwoo always thought of his small town as a leaving place. There was never anything to do. The nearest hangout area in the vicinity was a 30-minute drive. And even that was only a small department store where teenagers strolled around, having nothing else better to do. He always knew he would leave when he became old enough. He had spent most of his childhood counting down towards that day.

And then there was Junhui.

Wonwoo’s realization of Junhui’s existence came as a surprise even to himself. They had been in the same school since elementary (the reason being theirs was the only school there was). They were even in the same class most of the time. Despite this they were never really friends. Their personalities starkly contrasted. Wonwoo preferred a quiet recess where he could enjoy reading or listening to music on his device. Junhui, on the other hand, was always surrounded by friends and seemed to have unlimited ray of energy.

Sure, Junhui was popular. He knew the best tricks to games and his martial art skills impressed everyone. But Wonwoo did not care enough to bother joining the crowd that always formed whenever Junhui was around. He never really cared much about other human beings anyway, let alone this peculiar boy who never seemed to stop smiling.

That was why the realization hit him severely hard.

It was during one of the lessons when they were learning about animals. He couldn’t remember exactly what the topic was. Students were asked to give a presentation of their favorite animal, to provide facts about it and explain why said animal fascinates them. One of the classmates stepped out to talk about a swan. The fact that fascinated her was that swans only have one mate for their entire life. Unlike many other birds, once they have found their “soulmate,” they stay as a pair until death. Wonwoo had learned about this before from the educational channel he liked to watch, so it was another boring presentation he had to endure. But this time there was something different.

“Don’t you think it’s amazing?” a small voice was raised not far from his right.

Wonwoo turned towards the voice only to find that it was Junhui. He hadn’t noticed Junhui sitting where he was instead of the usual classmate who was absent on that day. He surely had never heard Junhui say anything this close or interacted with him. He was at a loss on how to respond.

“I—I guess,” he finally replied.

“I guess it’s something us humans can never understand.”

Before that moment Wonwoo had never recognized how big and beautiful Junhui’s eyes were. Obviously, he never had a chance to stare at them this close and this long. There was a slight sparkle gleaming from those dark, chestnut orbs which till this day he still couldn’t find words justified enough to describe. _Had he been crying? Did the story of the swan touch him that much?_

“Can we be friends?” Junhui asked before Wonwoo could find anything to answer. His bright smile almost blinding.

“Ah—sure.”

And that was how Junhui’s beautiful brown eyes began to haunt his dreams and restless nights. Although the nights became different kinds of night much later.

_Friends_ would be a generous word to call their relationship. They acknowledged each other in class and in the hallways when Junhui took his books out of the locker and waved at Wonwoo. During lunch break they never sat together but Wonwoo always nodded whenever Junhui flashed a smile at him from across the cafeteria.

To be honest it was difficult for someone like him to start being friends with _the Junhui_ who the school wouldn’t shut up about. _Last week he won a dance competition. He got the lead role in the school play again. He started a project for the student committee whose mission was to go around town making sure the stray cats are healthy and well fed._ All Wonwoo did was observe from afar. At least that was what happened until Junhui asked him to help with math revision.

“I still don’t understand this one,” the voice moaned and Wonwoo couldn’t help but stare at the frown he longed to wipe away.  
  
They had been working on one particular question for 15 minutes now and he admitted it was a challenging one. Still he secretly enjoyed the way Junhui chewed on the tip of his pencil whenever his brain was stuck and he couldn’t come up with any idea. It drew Wonwoo's eyes to his full, plump lips and made Wonwoo feel sick in the stomach (the torture he surprisingly relished).

“I’ll explain again,” Wonwoo pulled the scrap paper Junhui had scribbled on towards himself to get a closer look. He froze when Junhui’s body gravitated towards the paper, bringing himself closer to Wonwoo so that their shoulders were brushing. His breath lingered dangerously close to Wonwoo’s ears.

Deep in his heart he knew the true reason why it was difficult to be around Junhui. Youth is the time of your life when it seems like your soul is leaving one body and transitioning into another. You don’t recognize yourself and nothing makes any sense. For some it makes them angry, for some it makes them sad. For Wonwoo it made everything so awkward. But Junhui managed to own this transition. He’d moved from a boy with a shiny smile who was everyone’s friend to a tall, enigmatic (but still sociable) teenager with stylish hair and clothes that came out of magazines. It helped that Minghao, one of his actual close friends, was obsessed with fashion. Seeing them together made the school yard look like a runway.

Junhui easing into that new body was something gradual that Wonwoo again didn’t notice. Until it hit him when he woke up from one of those dreams that make your bed all wet (it was part of being in this body he had yet to be acquainted). And Junhui was in his dream.

How could he tell Junhui that the dream of him naked fed the hunger of his dark soul? Especially now that their fingers were touching and Junhui’s beautiful eyes stared straight into that very soul.

“Are you okay, Wonu? You seem somewhere else,” Junhui asked with a tiny grin. He brushed away a strain of hair from Wonwoo’s face and Wonwoo flinched. His face was burning.

“Let’s look at the problem here,” he decided to distract Junhui by directing him to the paper in front of them. It was a relief Junhui was oblivious enough to not notice the way his body tensed up and the presence of the hard-on in his jeans. He was totally screwed.

  
  


High school was as confusing. Wonwoo’s mother remarried a few years back and he had an older brother now. They got along relatively well but he wouldn’t consider them best friends. For one thing his brother was a star athlete while Wonwoo was that quiet kid who sat at the back of the class reading his books, listening to underground music, or hanging out with his gamer friends. His brother was nice to let him tag along a few “cool kids” gathering events which Wonwoo eventually stopped going. He didn’t enjoy the stress of having to pretend to like people. It was more draining than trying to get to the highest level of a game.

He thought he was happy that Junhui was further away than ever. He joined a new dance club established by his best friend Soonyoung and had his entire life devoted to the club. They still acknowledged each other and Wonwoo would go to his dance performances from time to time (not that he watched video clips of the one he missed). At those dances Junhui never failed to mesmerize Wonwoo with the way his body moved gracefully along the beats and rhythms, his facial expressions always so enticing. Wonwoo disliked how much his body was affected by Junhui’s moves and how he couldn’t stop staring. Those were the kinds of bittersweet moments when he found himself so close, yet so far away from Junhui.

The worst came at the beginning of his sophomore year when Junhui started dating his brother. Of all the people he could find in this small town it had to be him. Wonwoo accepted the inevitability as they were among the most popular students in their year. It just came as a slight surprise as his brother was not openly gay until Junhui, who had never dated anyone seriously before.

Their relationship meant Wonwoo got to spend more time around Junhui than he really liked as the other would often show up at their house casually. He even went into Wonwoo’s room sometimes to browse his book collections and ask about his new games. Wonwoo would call his close friend Seungcheol to hang out if he knew Junhui planned to visit. It often didn’t work as Junhui had a habit of spontaneity which his brother found endearing, at least at the early stage of their relationship.

Game season arrived and his brother had to stay at practice until late. Junhui had his own dance practice but needed a ride since he himself did not own a car (a result of his traumatic driving session when he tried to obtain a license). As it was difficult for his brother to give Junhui a ride home as he used to do, he asked for Wonwoo's help.

It normally went like this: Junhui got into the car sweating profusely. He asked Wonwoo to put down the window to let in cool air from the outside. Wonwoo played some music to get rid of the awkward silence since he was as always lost for words around Junhui, and Junhui was too tired to be his usual chatty self. Later on the awkward silence developed into a comfortable one. It was almost as if they became close friends without saying a word. Wonwoo learned what kind of music Junhui listened to based on his reaction whenever music was on. Junhui learned to bring some of Wonwoo’s favorite foods sometimes as a thank you gift.

One of those evenings a storm hovered over their small town and it started raining mercilessly. The street view became a blur and the wind was blowing so loud that the music almost couldn’t be heard.

“Let’s stop at McDonald’s. Let’s wait for it to stop raining,” Junhui suggested, “Plus I’m starving.”

Wonwoo pulled over. He looked at the 24 hours sign and at his phone. They could stay here as long as they’d like. All they had to do now was to get in as fast as they could to not get too wet.

“C’mon”

Junhui grabbed his hand seeing Wonwoo’s hesitation. He started running and Wonwoo had to match his pace, trying to pay no attention to the fact that this was the first time they held hands.

The McDonald’s was almost empty. No one in the right mind would leave their house for a burger if they had seen the forecast. A few tables there looked like stranded customers not unlike Junhui and himself.

Junhui was skillful at ordering as if he always got the same menu every time, and the staff seemed to know this. Wonwoo got himself a deluxe cheeseburger, being a slight health freak (because it had more vegetables than other menus). They both sat down at the table and watched the rain.

“Tell me about yourself”

Wonwoo almost choked on his food when Junhui asked him all of a sudden.

“What is this? A job interview?”

“No. It’s just we’ve been close for weeks and I don’t know much about you,” Junhui gave him his signature smile.

The word _close_ made Wonwoo’s stomach twist. Yes, they were close in terms of physical proximity. But were they really?  
  
“My name is Jeon Wonwoo and I am a sophomore.”

Junhui giggled – oh how adorable it was.  
  
“My name is Wen Junhui and I like your style.”

Wonwoo froze as Junhui finished his sentence. What did he mean? Thousands of explanations flashed into his head that he didn’t dare to contemplate.

“What is the weirdest moment in your life that you can remember?” Junhui asked after a long silence.

“Hmmm”  
  
“It doesn’t have to be that weird. Just the one you remember at the top of your head.”

“Well, there was this one,” he looked at Junhui finishing his last French fries, large brown eyes watching Wonwoo expectantly, “in elementary someone got emotional over a story of swans.”

“That was me!” Junhui announced after a short pause, eyes widened with amazement.

“I always thought it was a weird moment,” Wonwoo chuckled. He didn’t understand why he got so comfortable talking to Junhui like this. Maybe it was the rain. Maybe it was the fact that Junhui’s smile was bright it warmed his night.

“Well, I got emotional easily with stories like that,” Junhui pouted a little, his lips nibbling casually on a straw, forcing Wonwoo to pull his eyes away.

That night he learned that Junhui came from a broken family. Despite a perfect façade people perceived of his life, his parents separated when he was six. He moved back and forth between their houses until his dad remarried and lost contact with him.  
  
“I know how that feels,” coming from a broken family himself, Wonwoo had been through almost the same things.

“McDonald’s kind of reminds me of my dad. He used to buy me happy meals and we would hang out just the two of us for hours.”

Junhui brushed some hair that fell in front of his eyes. Wonwoo observed the same gleaming light he witnessed for the first time years ago. He thought of the time Junhui brushed away his hair like this and the effect it had on him. One that lasted until this present moment.

“I’d like to get to know you better. I think we have many things in common. For some reasons you always seem so far away.”  
Wonwoo didn’t know what to reply to that remark. It was like the world stopped spinning for a second.

“You have too many friends.”  
  
That was his excuse. But he knew full well it wasn’t like that.

“And why can’t I have one more. Come here, give me your hand,” Junhui commanded, holding out his hand to grab Wonwoo’s.   
  
“Why?”   
  
“I’ve been learning how to read palms. You know, Chinese wisdom.”   
  
And he winked. Oh his heart.   
  
“What does my palm say?”   
  
“Let me see…”   
  
After a small moment, “it says you should open up more to people around you. Especially someone named Wen Junhui.”  
He flashed a cheeky smile. Wonwoo couldn’t help but smiled back at his childish joke. What happened to the enigmatic (and _sexy_ ) Junhui?   
  
“How about yours? Can you read your own palm?”

“I guess I could,” he looked down at his left palm, “it says — something great will happen tonight.”   
  
“What is it?” Wonwoo asked.   
  
“I can’t tell. The universe will let it unfold.”   
  
They continued chatting until the time on his mobile said 1.30 am. They had texted their parents saying they were safe and warm waiting for the storm to subside. Wonwoo secretly wished it never did.   
  
“I think it’s time to go. I’m pretty tired at this point,” Junhui declared finally. The rain had practically stopped and everyone but the staff had left.   
  
When they stepped out of the restaurant Junhui spotted a stray cat hiding behind a bush. Through some sort of magical power Junhui persuaded the cat to come out. He pulled out a bag of cat treats from his pocket.   
  
“You carry this around?”   
  
“This town is full of cats,” his smile so warm it melted.   
  
Wonwoo spent one of the most significant moments of his life watching Junhui feeding and petting a cat. He joined in at one point when the cat began to warm itself to human contact. Wonwoo had a strong urge to pull out his phone and capture what was in front of him. It might be possible if they were truly close. He’d imagine Soonyoung and Minghao would be able to take Junhui’s picture casually whenever they want (he’d seen many of those pictures on their instagrams).   
  
“Look here,” Wonwoo last minute decided to take out his phone and pretend he wanted to take pictures of the cat.   
  
“Can I see?” Junhui asked after he had taken a few. “Oh I thought you were taking pictures of the cat.”   
  
“I was. But you were also near so you photobombed.”   
  
“You can crop me out later,” Junhui pouted. Wonwoo took another mental picture.   
  
“I don’t think I will.”   
  
He didn’t understand the courage that surfaced out of nowhere for him to act and say what he did. It was just the two of them in the middle of a quiet night. And Wonwoo had nothing to lose.   
  
_Right?_

“Let’s go home”

  
  


When he parked in front of Junhui’s house he got out of the car to send him in. They were both standing beside his car staring at each other. For the first time not knowing how to say goodbye.

“I’m going in. Thank you so much for braving the storm with me.”

Junhui winked again. It was one of his habits that had caused Wonwoo to panic and hide. But tonight it called him to come closer.

“I’m happy spending time with you. It was fun,” as he said this his face lingered close to Junhui’s like it never did before. And the other did not move away.

“Okay. Let’s do it again sometimes,” Junhui said while Wonwoo’s hand moved to touch his hand lightly.

“Yeah. Let’s.”

Wonwoo was hardly someone to initiate physical contact. But now he had enough of trying to pull himself away. His head was empty and there were no other thoughts but trying to memorize the way it felt to be so close to Junhui. To be lavished by his sweet smell and to know that he could do what he did, grabbing his hand and pulling him into a hug. A friendly one for Junhui, a passionate one for Wonwoo.

“Good night, Wonu”

Their cheeks brushed as Junhui moved back, their lips so close to touching. If he was brave enough and didn’t care about anything in the world he would kiss Junhui and tell him everything he felt. How he dreamed of Junhui’s face at night and memorized its shape during the day. But bravery was not his strength and that was what kept him away all this time.

“Good night, Junhui”

  
  


Despite everything, their relationship did advance. Wonwoo began to see Junhui more often without being asked by his brother. By this time his close friend Jihoon also started dating Soonyoung. So he had more reasons to be around them (or him). He attended the dance practice just to watch and eat out with the dance crew afterward. Junhui came less often to his house but they met elsewhere anyway. Wonwoo helped him with exam revisions like he used to and Junhui cooked him some spicy foods from new recipes he learned.

What Wonwoo again failed to notice was how Junhui and his brother became more and more estranged. They were still together but always busy with their own things. His brother talked about Junhui less and Junhui got less upset whenever he bailed out on their plans. Several times he would call Wonwoo and ask him to hang out instead. To his own dismay, Wonwoo always said yes.

Maybe things would get better for them after his brother received a college offer, Wonwoo remembered thinking that. But he never expected to find his brother making out with another boy in the kitchen when he came home and went in to grab some water.

He didn’t know whether Junhui should know about this. How would Junhui react? Why was he the one who was part of this _secret_? His brother asked him not to say anything. Wonwoo asked him why but obtained no answer. Why wasn’t Junhui enough for him? What happened to their relationship?

Wonwoo spent weeks contemplating what to do. His brother’s birthday was coming up and Junhui had a huge surprise prepared for him. Wonwoo knew this because he was part of the plan. He was supposed to be the one hiding the gift box in his brother’s bedroom. This made it even worse.

“Do you think he’d like it?” Junhui asked excitedly as he wrapped the box with pretty paper.

“Of course he will,” Wonwoo said automatically, not wanting to see Junhui sad.

“Thank you so much for helping out. You are the best,” Junhui beamed as he hugged Wonwoo lightly. After that night it became normal for them to hug or even casually hold hands sometimes.

“Will you come over to my house?” Wonwoo asked, not knowing why he said that. There was a chance that the boy would be there. His brother would think Junhui will be at dance practice. There was a high chance he would see them together. Still, he said it.

“Okay. I wanted to show you this new cat documentary I found. It’s kinda long so we could watch on your laptop,” Junhui smiled so innocently. Wonwoo thought of how he didn’t deserve the way his brother treated him.

When they arrived at Wonwoo’s house they grabbed some snacks and went straight to his bedroom. Junhui showed him the documentary he mentioned. Wonwoo enjoyed watching Junhui so happy whenever he did what he loved. It was something special about Junhui that drew people to him. He was so sincere about his feelings and never shy away from expressing them. He poured his heart into everything he did. He was so engrossed in the documentary that he didn’t notice Wonwoo’s stare, his eyes tracing the sharp outline of Junhui’s large eyes, the shape of his elegant nose, and the curve of his perfect lips. How many nights he dreamt of tasting those lips.

“I’ll go grab some water. Do you want some?” Junhui asked. He’d learned to grab things casually in Wonwoo’s house as he visited so many times.   
  
“Okay,” Wonwoo came out of his trance. Junhui got up and went to the door. As the door slammed shut he heard Junhui’s typically heavy footsteps. But then everything stopped.   
  
There was a strange silence and Wonwoo wondered what was going on. He decided to open the door and take a look. Junhui was there facing his brother and the boy he saw once before in the kitchen.   
  
“Ah…”   
  
His brother fished out some words to introduce the boy who apparently was his classmate and they were doing a project together. Junhui just stared at them and gave a slight nod. He said encouraging words for their project and turned around to re-enter Wonwoo’s room.   
  
“Hey”   
  
Wonwoo followed, closing the door lightly as if afraid of breaking the silence.   
  
“Do you want me to grab the water instead?” he asked, not knowing what else to say.   
  
“No. It’s fine.”   
  
“I’m sure there was nothing,” Wonwoo couldn’t guess whether Junhui understood his implication.   
  
“I know ---- I mean I _knew_.”   
  
“What?”

“I know he cheats.”   
  
“But why didn’t you say anything?”   
  
“I don’t know.”   
  
“I don’t understand.”   
  
Junhui sat down on Wonwoo’s bed. He had his hands together on his laps uncomfortably. Wonwoo sat down beside him.

  
“I don’t understand myself either. I guess I just don’t want to lose him --- yet.”   
  
This angered Wonwoo and he had no idea why. It was unfair that he had been the one so close to Junhui since they were children. But when it came to someone Junhui wanted to be with it just couldn’t be him. Even when his brother cheated right in his face. Wonwoo couldn’t comprehend the way this universe works at all.   
  
“But you can’t let him cheat like this, Junnie.” he used the name they had started adopting.   
  
“I know,” Junhui only gave a short reply. His eyes were now staring at Wonwoo’s.   
  
“At least let me do something for you. Do you want me to talk to him?”   
  
“No – don’t. Just come give me a hug. That’s all I need.”   
  
There was seriousness in his voice that made his request sound almost like a pleading. Wonwoo placed his right hand on the bed to help himself move closer. He pulled Junhui into an embrace and Junhui rested his arms right around his shoulder to get him closer.

They stayed like that for a long while until Wonwoo decided something had got to give.   
  
He pulled away slightly, creating a gap between their closeness. When he realized his hand was under Junhui’s chin it was too late to go back.   
  
Junhui’s eyes widened as their lips touched. It was everything different from his dreams. It was way better. Even though he felt Junhui trembling into the touch. It didn’t matter for him anymore.   
  
Wonwoo felt Junhui's grip on his t-shirt so strong it tugged at his neck. The other was now pulling away.   
  
“Why?”   
  
Was the first word Junhui uttered. It hurt Wonwoo to see his eyes brimming with small pools of tears.   
  
“I wanted to”   
  
_for a long long time_. For what had felt like an eternity. Junhui was all he ever wanted.

“No. You don’t. You’re only doing this out of pity for me. I don’t want this, Wonwoo.”   
  
“That’s not true. I ---”   
  
_love you. I love you so much my heart aches with pain days and nights. Watching you together with someone else. Not being able to touch you even when we are so close like this.  
_  
“I need to leave.” Junhui got up suddenly. He grabbed his bag and hurriedly left. As he was walking out the door, Wonwoo recovered from his shock and called out.   
  
“Will you break up with him?” not caring anymore if his brother would overhear his words.   
  
But he never got the answer. Junhui just watched him with eyes full of all the emotion he couldn’t decipher. And that was the last time they spoke.

Months passed and things were never the same again. Wonwoo stopped going to the dance practice or hanging out with the dance crew. Their friends wondered what happened but none of them were given any explanation. When he and Junhui met in the hallways they avoided each other’s eyes. Or at least Junhui avoided him.

In his confusion Wonwoo decided he needed change. It was impossible to be around Junhui's group of friends. He got himself further away from Junhui than before they were even friends. Worst now they were strangers. He was fed up with his own life and needed some distractions. He began to change the way he dressed and people he hung around. The only two friends he kept were Seungcheol and Jihoon but even those two couldn’t understand what he was doing, mixing up with those “cool kids” and becoming almost like a copy of his own brother.

Junhui broke up with his brother shortly after Wonwoo’s transformation. Wonwoo enjoyed the attention he received from being part of the popular group. But that attention he never gained from Junhui, who had now distanced himself from those people and began sticking only with the dance crew. He also managed to escape any kind of gathering that involved Wonwoo.   
  
With his newfound popularity Wonwoo did go out with several people, boys and girls. But Jihoon pointed out acutely how this girl almost has Junhui’s eyes. That boy has dimples when he smiles just like Junhui does. That girl’s lips are in heart shape like Junhui’s and she laughed at his lame joke in the same way Junhui would.

  
  


In the blink of an eye they are graduating. Wonwoo’s brother had moved away a year ago to his college, himself the one leaving this year. Classes have finished and the last summer as a high school student has officially started. Soonyoung, the party animal, decided this is the best time to throw a party and everyone agreed. Wonwoo was invited and he is attending for the sole reason being he knows Junhui will be there.

He has spent many nights coming up with the solution on how to end this heartbreak. At least he and Junhui need closure before they both head off to college. Anything that will happen to them couldn’t be worse than what they are now.

On the day of the party Wonwoo arrives early to help Soonyoung set up the place. It is more like following Jihoon to help Soonyoung out. But also he hopes that Junhui, being Soonyoung’s best friend, would arrive early as well.

But Junhui is not there as he expected. The party has started and there is no sign of him. Wonwoo paces back and forth in Soonyoung’s living room pretending to enjoy the music and the drink he holds ceremoniously in his hand.

A few new guests arrive before Junhui appears. Breathtaking as always despite wearing only a simple pair of blue jeans and an oversize sweater. He now realizes how long it has been since he last looked at Junhui like this.

But Wonwoo is too slow. Junhui disappears purposely in the crowd as soon as their eyes meet. Wonwoo puts down his drink and begins his search. People are now dancing and sticking so close to one another. And the light is so dimmed that it is almost impossible to see who is who. But he knows he will always find Junhui, being so skilled at watching the boy for many many years.

He finally catches Junhui hiding in the kitchen. His favorite spot. A can of coke in his hand as he daintily sips on his drink. He looks up as Wonwoo enters.

“Can we talk?”

They have found a spot where they can talk quietly. There is a park not so far from Soonyoung’s house and no one is around at this time of the day. They sit down on one of the benches before being enveloped by a deadly silence. Until Wonwoo decides to speak.

“Are you glad to be leaving?”   
  
They have always talked about, when they were still talking, the time they would be able to leave this small town. Junhui has a dream of joining a theatre where he can dance and sing for a living. Wonwoo’s dream is to be able to casually visit museums and maybe get a teaching job in the city. They used to spend hours talking about plans and how their paths might collide in the future.   
  
“I am excited. But I will miss it here a lot.”   
  
Wonwoo wondered before their meeting if Junhui would have moved into a new body he would not recognize. But it is now clear to him that the Junhui he has come to love has always been the same person all along. Growing up does not change the way Wonwoo looks at him. In spite of all the lovers he scrambled to find that would resemble Junhui in certain ways his heart remains the same.   
  
“Do you still talk to my brother?” he asked.   
  
“Sometimes. He gave me very good advice about college,” it is the first time Wonwoo sees him smile tonight.   
  
“Are you still mad at him?”   
  
“Not really. I knew it was meant to end anyway. We didn’t have much in common.”   
  
“Then why did you go out with him?” it was the question Wonwoo has always wanted an answer. He tossed and turned in his bed thinking what could possibly make Junhui fall for someone like him.   
  
“It was mostly my superficial self,” he paused, “I wasn’t as confident as you might think. I was scared of having all the attention slip from my hands. I thought dating him would mean I am still one of those kids.”   
  
“And he was nice to me for the most part. We got along.”   
  
“Ever since I was a kid I have been scared of losing people. I tried every way to make everyone stay. Thinking of it now I guess it was because my dad left.”   
  
“That’s why it hurts me so much to lose you.”   
  
“But you didn’t lose me.”   
  
For the first time in months he now has courage to look Junhui in the eyes. There it is. The delicate gleam of light that never fails to draw him into Junhui’s universe. He wonders how hard it is for someone to catch a star.   
  
“We haven’t talked for months.”   
  
“That was because you avoided me!”   
  
“I didn’t want to pity myself anymore. It was bad enough being pathetic in front of you.”   
  
“Why would you feel that way? You are not pathetic. You never were.”   
  
“And after that day you had to go and do all the things you never did before. You turned into someone I didn’t recognize. That was how I knew I lost you.”   
  
“I’m still the same person I was. The person who's stared at you since that day in elementary class.”   
  
“But why all those changes?”

“People change, Junnie. Nothing stays the same. I wanted to see if I can become a better version of myself. I wanted to be more.”

“I like you just how you are.”

That almost makes him stop breathing.

“Why did you kiss me, Wonu?”

Right. Something has got to give.

“Because you are beautiful. Because you make my heart beat so fast it almost leaps out of my chest. Because I dream about you at night. Because I’m in love with you. I always have.”

He now notices the way Junhui clasps his hands together. His expression indescribable, unknowable. Wonwoo has let it all out. Whatever kind of closure they will have this is it.

“And I you.”

There is sincerity in his voice and his gaze never leaves Wonwoo's face.

“But why?”

_Why went to all the trouble of dating my brother? Why does it take us so long to realize?_

“I thought you hated me before. I wanted to be friends but you kept your distance. Then we became close but I never understood how you felt. Whenever I got closer you pushed me away.”

“Because I was too scared. I had all these dreams about us that I didn’t even dare to see them materialize. I wanted to always be beside you. Quietly. Like this.”

“But why not take a step closer? I’m right here.”

  
  


Wonwoo always thought of his small town as a leaving place. He now realizes because of how small it is two people meet and fall in love. It took him years to discover how a boy crying over a swan can turn his life around. But it’s all worth it after all.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading until this point. I intentionally did not name Wonwoo’s brother as I didn’t feel like associating him with anyone. I’m pretty bad at description so I hope it turned out ok :)


End file.
